In a recent study, scientists found that people have a hard time seeing their future selves, specifically how much they will change. I have been thinking a lot about this as I grow in Faith.
I have been struggling with the surrendering to Christ. Giving up, in the traditional use of the word, paints a pretty bleak picture of the future. Surrender is usually done by force, and it is typically done in grand fashion. Thinking Lord of the Rings here, it is a battle of good and evil won and lost. It is the crushing of the human spirit beneath the boot of the victor. Surrender brings thoughts of weakness. Fear. Pain. Unrest. Heck, you think Saint, you think martyr. The big reward of Catholicism? It comes after death.
So yeah. I have been thinking of my utterly Blessed life and I get scared of surrender. And maybe the above is why. The old adage that God only gives you what you can handle, proves He must think me paper thin. And, I am grateful for it, supremely, incandescently grateful.
But the past few days more have been seeping into my head. Thanks to Father Barkett, Thomas Merton, and of course God the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.
- I am not in the Lord of the Rings. I think all of us in some way desire some peak experience that puts them to the test. Since I have started my journey I have been looking for a way to recklessly prove my Love for the Lord. However, I think what I am really looking for is a way to be a star in my own movie. All. …About. . . Me. . . If I am honest, my character is far more familiar. I am the person that is letting life go by by not taking that one step out the door. The mom who is distracted when her son asks to play. The person who, in her quest for whatever it is she thinks she wants, is missing the point entirely.
- Turn to Mary. There are many comparisons to Mary as the Moon, whose beautiful brilliance is created by the reflection of the Sun that shines beside it. Think first of the Lord. Give your best to the Lord. Surrender can be a gift that I can lay down at his feet.
- You don’t know the joys that lie ahead. Like marriage, you can give yourself to another to build a new life, a better life. I could not have imaged my children before they were born. Now I could not imagine my life without them or my husband. I need to join God, and live a life together. Instead of thinking about what I think I am losing, I should be in awe of the wonder of today and the world ahead of me.
- Suffering is not a prerequisite. Sometimes I worry that to truly understand God you must suffer. Again, think Saint. And, again, up until know I have lived a truly Blessed life. However, in the Parable of the Talents the Master does not give equally to his servants.
In this world there will be trouble, but take courage, I have conquered the world. John 16:33